To Those Who Couldn’t Love Us Back

I think back to the times
you didn’t even know my name
didn’t even give me a first glance
let alone a second one
until I wore that dress
until I had my hair that certain way
that certain way you requested
for every birthday, anniversary, special occassion
once you saw that
your deep, brown eyes lit up
as they roved over me
silently approving.

what your eyes consumed
you fed to your heart

and now your
heart howls my name
screams for me
hoping your lips will take up the call
hoping your fingers will make the call
so she can hear
my voice
once more
and sooth
her aches and pains for which
you left no tools for her to mend
you left no way for her to sooth her own fears
so your heart howls
for the bond we once had
the salve for her burning loneliness

(one day
i ate the fruit of another
to see if she would notice
but your heart
was too busy
tending to her own rotten fruit
that did not nourish
but poisoned me)

you’ve gotten really good at ignoring your lonely heart
pretending you’ve forgotten her language
ignoring what she calls out for
what she screams into the wind
like a spell
dangling over me
hovering
I ignore her too
she wants me to heal
the damage you’ve caused her
but I
am nursing my own wounds.

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